© pom・JOYNET/LINE Digital Frontier・ 「先輩はおとこのこ」製作委員会
No one is an island, and no one, no matter how determined, can handle things alone. That's especially true for teenagers, who are volatile tanks of emotional rocket fuel, just waiting to be ignited at the perfect moment. So it's no surprise that after weeks of pretending to be okay with her ailing grandmother and unfeeling father, she finally broke down. I didn't expect that breakthrough to come from a chance encounter with her mother, but Senpai is an Otokonoko who knows how to twist the knife with precise timing to achieve maximum pain, so of course it did.
It also makes it so much more bearable that someone finally acknowledges that pain and gives her the basic human compassion she so desperately needs. Like yes, someone doesn't rationalize it by saying, “I guess if you're okay” and instead just genuinely supports this obviously suffering child. Whether what Makoto feels for Saki in that moment is romance, friendship, or something in between doesn't really matter. Sometimes we all just need to know that we're not alone in this world, and whether it's a hug, a kind gesture, or a warm bowl of soup when you've been deep in the depths of a stomach virus for three days, even the smallest act can feel monumental. I also like that it's not just Makoto. Even as Ryuji is dealing with some very conflicting emotions, he takes the initiative to plan a trip with their group to see the meteor show, assuring Saki that she has people in her life who will be there for her.
Speaking of conflicting feelings: Oh, Ryuji. Even though he's dating someone he's loved for who knows how long, he still can't get over his internalized homophobia. It's true that he's getting a lot of mixed signals from Makoto, but there are a lot of reasons for that besides “he must be terrified of being touched by a guy.” First, Makoto may be more comfortable giving physical contact than receiving it—I know a lot of people in my life who enjoy hugging and touching each other but feel overwhelmed when they receive it without being prompted. It's possible that Makoto considers a hug from his boyfriend more intense than a hug from a friend, and he needs some time to warm up to something that intimate. Still, Ryuji can't help but jump to the harshest conclusion and insist they break up because Makoto will never love him the way he does. It's a quintessential teenage move, and while it's sad that it happened, I hope that it pushes these two to actually discuss their personal insecurities, rather than letting Ryuji sulk in his head the way Saki has been doing for the past few years.
Meanwhile, Makoto makes the same mistakes he made at the start of the show; sublimating his own needs for the benefit of others. He wants to be a pillar of support for Saki and a proper boyfriend for Ryuji, but fails to rock the boat by actually dealing with his own feelings. It's a recipe for disaster with these three, and I can only hope someone can get out of the crash before things get worse. In the meantime, at least this was exactly the episode I've been waiting for after weeks of buildup.
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Senpai is an Otokonoko currently streaming on Crunchyroll.
